What If I Lost It?

We each have unique talents and gifts from the Lord. There are areas where His strength is evident and we know He has called us to operate in certain ways.

What if you lost it? What if something happened and you could no longer do the one thing you felt the Lord had called you to?

What is that one item you enjoy doing, one area you feel a special talent or interest in?

Now picture it gone...forever!

How would you feel?

I would feel panic.

I know because it happened to me....twice!

I have always felt the Lord's call to write. I feel so relaxed and comfortable putting things into words that at times it feels like second nature. I find myself listening to the random words and phrases of others for those "hooks" that can become future devotionals, sermons, etc.

Once I was so focused on the writing about the Lord that I was missing Him completely. When i realized I had made writing an idol, I also sensed the Lord telling me to shut it down for a season...2 long years. It felt...miserable. After that time had passed, I felt the Lord calling me to write again. Yet things had changed. I no longer felt the need to write just for the sake of writing. I waited until I felt the Lord's nudge before putting things on paper.

While in the midst of my recent concussion, I had a flashback to that time of no writing. Days after the concussion, I sat at my computer staring at a blank screen. I was saying the words out loud but could not get my fingers to type. It was almost like looking at a foreign language. I saw the letters but my brain was not making the connection between what I wanted to write and actually typing it out.

I will admit, I got scared. In a moment of panic I wondered if I would ever be able to write a sermon or devotional ever again. It may sound silly but in my befuddled state, it was a genuine concern.

Obviously the ability has returned, but so has the realization that I need to look at surrender again. What does it mean to count everything as rubbish that I may gain Christ? (Philippians 3:8)

I know God could still use me in other ways if He shut down one avenue of expression, yet the thought of giving up my lifelong interest terrified me.

Which tells me I place a higher value on my writing than I should.

Which means I still have some surrendering to do.

Do I Really Mean It?

I remember one time a friend in Croatia stated she would not sing certain worship songs. When I asked her to explain she stated, "Why should I sing that I surrender all if I am truly not surrendering all? I do not want to lie to God."

At the time I thought that was a bit extreme but I now see what she means. Today I had these lines from a worship song bouncing in my head:

All of my ambitions, hopes and plans
I surrender these into Your hands.

It got me to thinking.....do I really mean that? Am I surrendering my ambitions, hopes and plans? As I thought about it I could not honestly say I was doing that.

See this week I have been thinking a lot about surrender. To surrender is to give up, to relinquish. Are we willing to lay it all down, even our lives, for Christ? The spiritual answer would be, Yes! In reality is that my answer?

Would I really let go of everything? Better yet would I willingly let go of everything if God asks?

I'd like to say yes. I really would.

I know this is where God wants me....surrendering daily....at times I struggle. It's easy in some areas...harder in others. For example I can easily surrender my media choices to Him. It's harder when it comes to my own health or that of my family. Do I really believe God can do all things? To protect me and those around me?

Father please help me to trust You more. To not hold on to the things you say to release and to cling tightly to You! I want to trust you, with everything, not fearing this means you will take it but knowing you have a plan that far exceeds any I could come up with. I believe Lord, Help my unbelief. (Mark 9:24) In Jesus Name, Amen!

Lessons From A Brown Recluse

The brown recluse. It is a deadly spider whose bite will eat away at your flesh and can also kill. It was through this spider that God taught me about a major need in my life…surrender.

I was living in Texas at the time. I was in a training school for missions. They had warned us to kill the bugs first and identify them later. However, I was not awake when I was bitten. Late at night a brown recluse bit me on the tip of my thumb. I felt nothing and slept through the night.

When I awoke the next morning I noticed my thumb was sore but attributed it to the frequency of writing I was doing. Not only was I taking notes in class but I was also on a writing binge: poems, sermons and stories. Throughout the day my thumb continued to ache.

The next day I was feeling worse. My thumb developed a blister and I was beginning to feel sick. I did not connect the two however. By the third day I could not write and my blister was swelling. That afternoon I noticed a red streak on my wrist. All of the local doctors offices were closed so I decided to lance the blister. By late evening the red streak had reached my shoulder and I was experiencing severe pain in my arm. A friend drove me the 45 minutes to the nearest hospital. The doctor examined my thumb and told me a brown recluse had bitten me. He immediately gave me some antibiotics and told me that had I waited 6 more hours I would have been dead. Apparently the poison was in my blood stream. By lancing the blister the doctor said I saved my thumb as well. With a brown recluse if the blister had burst naturally the infection inside would have destroyed my flesh.

It was 3 weeks before I could hold a pencil again. It took 6 months for my thumbnail to grow back. During that time God taught me a valuable lesson. I had focused on my writing to the point that it had become an idol. I wrote from morning until night. My journal was filled. My personal relationship with God was beginning to suffer. I focused more on writing for Him than spending time with Him.

Did God send the brown recluse? I will let you decide. He did use the situation though to awaken me to the truth. I was forced to think and relax for those 3 weeks. I spent more time in the Word. Through that God showed me what place writing had taken in my life. A lifetime of writing I finally laid at the throne of God. I had to surrender that desire.

When something takes Gods place that something has to be released to Him. I did not know if He would ever let me pick it back up again. I continued to write letters and school notes but it stopped there. It was about 6 months before I felt God release me to pick it up again. Today I obviously still write, though only occasionally and when I feel God’s leading. Many of the items found on this blog are things I have had laying around for years. I do know that I learned a valuable lesson from that brown recluse. One I never want to forget.

Just A Thought #7

I Quit!

Do you ever feel like that? Like giving up? I used to feel like that every day. Many get to that point in their lives where due to health problems, job stress, family issues, money problems, etc. they feel like giving up and running away. Yet we are in a world where that kind of attitude is considered defeatist! We are told not to give up, never surrender!

This is in stark contrast to Luke 9:23 - 25 which says in part that we must deny ourselves, take up our cross DAILY and follow Christ. In order to gain our life we must lose it. Think about what happened on the cross....Christ died! Now I am not suggesting we literally need to die but Christ was surrendered to His Father's will. We need to be as well.

Recently a dear man of God went home to be with the Lord. This First Nations chief was a strong believer. He also had cancer. He was dying and yet that did not define him. He was surrendered to the Lords plan and was more focused on God and seeing others come to Him than ever. In His last year He was recording his testimony on CD, leading family and friends to Christ and spending time with the Father. When His last days on this earth were at hand he was ready.

Could we be that way in the face of death, financial hardship, etc? Could we be surrendered to whatever God has in store for us and just focus on Him? As this man of God jokingly said many times, why pray when you can worry? Indeed, which is easier to do? Would it not be better to pray and seek the Lord and His desires and leave life's problems to Him? I know there are a lot of questions here. The answer though is profoundly simple.

Gal 2:20 says it all. We were crucified with Christ! Meditate on that Scripture and then read Romans 6, 7 and 8! Let God speak to you about how to quit and be a winner!