What If I Lost It?

We each have unique talents and gifts from the Lord. There are areas where His strength is evident and we know He has called us to operate in certain ways.

What if you lost it? What if something happened and you could no longer do the one thing you felt the Lord had called you to?

What is that one item you enjoy doing, one area you feel a special talent or interest in?

Now picture it gone...forever!

How would you feel?

I would feel panic.

I know because it happened to me....twice!

I have always felt the Lord's call to write. I feel so relaxed and comfortable putting things into words that at times it feels like second nature. I find myself listening to the random words and phrases of others for those "hooks" that can become future devotionals, sermons, etc.

Once I was so focused on the writing about the Lord that I was missing Him completely. When i realized I had made writing an idol, I also sensed the Lord telling me to shut it down for a season...2 long years. It felt...miserable. After that time had passed, I felt the Lord calling me to write again. Yet things had changed. I no longer felt the need to write just for the sake of writing. I waited until I felt the Lord's nudge before putting things on paper.

While in the midst of my recent concussion, I had a flashback to that time of no writing. Days after the concussion, I sat at my computer staring at a blank screen. I was saying the words out loud but could not get my fingers to type. It was almost like looking at a foreign language. I saw the letters but my brain was not making the connection between what I wanted to write and actually typing it out.

I will admit, I got scared. In a moment of panic I wondered if I would ever be able to write a sermon or devotional ever again. It may sound silly but in my befuddled state, it was a genuine concern.

Obviously the ability has returned, but so has the realization that I need to look at surrender again. What does it mean to count everything as rubbish that I may gain Christ? (Philippians 3:8)

I know God could still use me in other ways if He shut down one avenue of expression, yet the thought of giving up my lifelong interest terrified me.

Which tells me I place a higher value on my writing than I should.

Which means I still have some surrendering to do.