The line was crawling up my foot. The pain was a bit intense but seeing the streak, the read streak of death, caused my fear to increase.
It was not the first time I experienced the red streak of death.......
In 1994 I was bitten by a brown recluse and saw the streak go from my thumb to my armpit. You can read more about that story so I will not repeat it here. Needless to say, coming close to death once, it was not a scenario I wished to repeat.
Yet here I was 15 years later seeing the streak move slowly up my foot.
I won't bore you with medical drama, needless to say a hospital visit was in order.
I hate hospitals. I mean I REALLY hate hospitals. Just visiting there will cause my blood pressure to rise. I am not proud of the fact I deal with fear from time to time. I am really ashamed of the fact that the fear is multiplied 10x while in a hospital! Here I was in yet another visit to the hospital, with sweat pouring down my head, shaking nervously as the "what if" scenario worms it way through my mind.
2 Tim. 1:7 says, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."
I know this fear is not from God and it IS NOT healthy. I know it....yet I still struggle. Fear has been my thorn in the flesh. It is something I think I have conquered, prayed through and won the victory over and then comes roaring back when I least expect it.
I know 1 John 4:18 says that perfect love casts out fear. I know the Bible repeatedly says do not fear.
So what am I afraid of? Death, no not really. I am more afraid of the unknown quantity. It's the not knowing that seems to incite the fear in me. Once a Dr comes and tells me where I stand I seem to relax despite what he says. It is an irrational fear of the unknown.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (Matt. 6:34)
This is the verse I need to meditate on when fear strikes. I need flee from worry, to trust and to remember 2 Tim 1:7!
So what happens next? I would like to say I have won the victory! The reality is I struggle. I am continuing to pray through this. I want a complete victory. Fear has run deep in my family and I am praying this "curse" stops with me!
Will you stand with me? If you struggle with fear let me know and I will pray for you as well.
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Phil. 4:13)