Confessions of a Concussed Christian

As I wrestled with my son on the floor, he came close to my head with his hands and I immediately froze, a nervous sweat breaking out across my forehead. 

Another time, I bumped my head and immediately became anxious, concerned that this blow may result in yet another concussion.

The fact of the matter is that bumping our heads is just a part of life.  It happens...to everyone.  We bump into things as we walk through life...and it's not the end of the world.

I know that.

Yet it hasn't stopped the panicked feelings and anxiety that seem to pop up unexpectedly.  You can't predict a panic attack.  Anxiety can pop up unawares.  When it happens, it can momentarily cripple you. Reason and logic seem to vanish.

The reality is that I don't need another head trauma.  Living with an acquired brain injury is a challenge.  Yet, I have seen significant improvement over the last 2+ years as well.  There was a point where I could only read about 5 minutes before the headaches started and I would lose focus.  Now I can read a whole lot longer and the headaches are gone.  My concentration and focus has improved.  Yes I have to put things into manageable chunks and I need deadlines but I can get things done easier than I could even a year ago.  At one point, immediately after my 6th concussion, I could not even recognize the letters on a keyboard.  Trying to write a blog post...or anything...was a challenge.  Now I can write sermons and blog posts again...though I do write a lot less than I used to. 

I no longer stumble over my words as much as I used to...unless I get really tired.  I do have to nap more than I used to.  There was a point where I struggled to do any public speaking and my sermons had shrunk to around 5 minutes. Things began to improve but I could not speak without notes and would lose my place frequently.  Now I can talk for an hour with few notes. 

I have found comfort recently in Philippians 4:6, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

I have been praying for a healing and I have found improvement, though not as quickly as I would like.  I have petitioned God.  Not just praying, but praying with the passion and desperation of a broken man.  I have also began to thank God for the vast and significant improvements I am seeing. 

All is not lost, I have a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11)  I know that I truly can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13) It has been a long journey, one I never envisioned...yet I also see how God has moved in the situation and changed me for His glory through the process.

For that I thank God.