Out of Focus

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. (Matthew 6:33)

Sometimes my life is way out of focus. I don't know how it happens. Well actually I do. I'm ashamed to say I take my eyes off of where they should be and the next thing I know my life becomes completely unbalanced.

I have mild asthma and at times it becomes hard to breathe. This is NOT a fun feeling. Struggling for breath can be quite scary. However, the fear can cause one to panic, or at least become a bit anxious. This tends to happen for me after a prolonged series of attacks.

I recently had a very prolonged series of asthma issues. I ended up using my inhaler about 24 times in 21 days. Now, even for me, that is an extreme and unusual situation. However about 20 days into this I realized I was being consumed by the situation. My waking thoughts were gravitating towards my breathing. I was beginning to walk around looking for signs I may be entering into distress. I was becoming intensely aware of every minute change in my chest.

My eyes were no longer on Jesus. After I became aware of this, my mind drifted to Matthew where we find the story of Peter, who seeing the Lord Jesus walk across the water, stepped out of the boat in faith and began walking towards Him. However:

But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, "Lord, save me." Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" (Matthew 14:30-31)

Peter got his eyes off of God and began to sink. This is what was happening to me. I was sinking in fear, distracted by the situations. I had to get to the point where I cried out, "Lord, save me!" That is exactly what happened. On day 21 I sunk to my knees late in the evening and cried to the Lord in my distress! I repented for the sin of idolatry.

Wait idolatry?!? Yes. Idolatry in it's simplest form, is having another god besides the Lord of Lords. That is what I was doing. I was focused on something else completely. I had made my health, my lungs, an idol. I had to repent.

I know the Lord heard my cry. I felt His rebuke for my doubt.

My focus is slowly going back to its proper place. I am resting more in the Lord as I seek to focus on Him daily. Yes I still have some asthma issues, though not like what happened recently. In fact I have not used the inhaler since that day. As much as I praise God for that, I know that even if I do have to resort to an inhaler, in faith I can keep my focus on Christ.

What about you? Are you in a battle? Where is your focus?