Welcome to Blogapalooza.
I want you to meet some new people. I asked various friends and bloggers to share with you this month on my blog. So, all through the month of June I will feature different voices from around the world. Today I would like to introduce you to...
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I would like to thank Rick for having me share in his Blogapalooza! What an honor! Hope you're having fun on your trip.
As well, I would like to thank you for dropping by! If you stop by my blog later, please feel free to browse my About Me section as well as my archives... I've been on a journey, and thought I'd invite you along.
Okay, and now for today...
Do you believe that you matter? To your family? Your boss? Your co-workers? Your community? Have you ever found yourself believing that nobody thinks you matter? That even you don't believe you matter? What about feeling unappreciated? Taken for granted? Useless? Worthless? These thoughts, which became beliefs, that I have found going round-and-round-and-round in my head lately. I believed that, as a child, I didn't matter in decision making... that my opinion didn't count, that the questions I asked went unanswered.
When Tim and I were married (24 years ago next month), I let it be known that I mattered... at least, until I realized that I didn't believe it any more. I knew that while the children were small, the things I did were necessary for us and them to be healthy. Since the kids are now 20 and 17, I have found myself thinking that if I didn't do a household duty (laundry, clean house, do dishes...) and they didn't complain, that I wouldn't bother doing them. Nagging wasn't working. When I did do the chores, it went without appreciation... "thanks" wasn't cutting it for doing a week's worth of laundry.
After talking these kinds of things out with my clinician, I was advised to hold a family meeting regarding housework. Please realize, although I am not employed right now, I don't plan to stay unemployed. Please also realize that my husband is on a disability, but is still capable of doing these types of things. Also... my son is unemployed (and I don't know how long he plans to stay that way). My daughter holds 3 jobs, which I think is quite sufficient. In other words, there are 4 adults living in our household, we should be able to share the load.
I knew I needed to hold this meeting, but was challenged to have us make consequences for when we do not do our chores. After discussing this with my counselor (yes, I have 2 people I talk to regularly-each have different roles in my life) yesterday she simply said, "The going rate for housekeepers is $20/hour." That was all the ammunition I needed.
I did something I never thought I would do. I explained that I expected everyone to be home for dinner. They were! Then I presented them with a spreadsheet of daily and weekly chores that I expected done. I smiled, then explained my predicament... that I felt unappreciated and taken for granted... and, being as I am unemployed and they are adults, I am no longer their maid. I told them that I needed their help... or my fee will be $20/hour!
It took quite a while for the chart to fill up with volunteers, but it eventually did. I explained that they might have some leverage with each other also, by trading chores/days, or paying each other for doing someone elses' work. At the end of each month we will tally it all up (and collect payment in full).
How can you set your boundaries in relationships?... Where you begin believing that you matter enough, to respect yourself as much as you respect other people? Maybe it's as simple as making a chart. Maybe it's shutting the bedroom door and reading a book or taking a nap. Maybe you have to say "no".
I don't know where you're at in life. I just know that I don't want to stay burdened with beliefs that are wrong. God's Word tells me that I matter. It says that His only Son left Him to come and live on this earth... because I matter... because YOU MATTER! Jesus lived on this earth, then was crucified, died, was buried, and then rose again... for you! If you don't believe me, check out Luke 1-24. You can start by clicking here.
If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to ask either Rick (the writer of Just A Thought) or myself.
FYI, I have recently begun a daily "Five Good Things" listing on my blog Blown To Smithereens. You are welcome to check it out, add your own lists, and maybe even begin to take joy in the little things each day!
Thank you for checking out Blown To Smithereens!
Cheers,
D
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